"It Is Well With My Soul": Why Joy Is Love
The last few weeks have been horrendous for me. My caregiver, Angela, has been cancelling whenever she feels like it for the smallest reasons. I had been able to call people and ask a different person to come every night, but I ran out of people to call on Tuesday night when Angela cancelled 30 minutes after she was supposed to arrive. I had to ask my male caregiver, who carries me up and down the stairs, to push on my stomach so that I could poop. I broke into tears because I was forced to do something I did not want to do against my will even though he did not see or touch anything inappropriate. Despite all the pain and sorrow I felt from being abandoned into the hands of a male caregiver against my will, I found true joy.
I was angry that Angela and my family had left me helpless with no other options because my friends did not even want to help me. My family had left me in December 2016 and refused to help me anymore. When my sister-in-law, Nicole, came on May 22nd, she told me that I had to figure things out on my own like it was my fault. I cannot control people and force them to come help me. My friends did not even want to help me because I disagree with them.
I felt like everyone was forcing to have a male caregiver do my personal care. I did not want a man, who is not romantically involved with me, do something intimate like helping me poop even if he does not see or touch anything inappropriate. I wanted my body to be completely pure for my future husband. Then, I started thinking about Giovanni. My caregiver was taking more care of me than he was. I felt less special and intimate with Giovanni. I felt pushed against my will to lose control my life.
Through all this pain, my soul was still perfectly fine. Although Angela and my family and friends had hurt my feelings by leaving me helpless, my values and beliefs to love with humility, compassion, and honesty still remained intact. No human could touch my soul unless I chose to change my soul to their demands. My soul is comprised of my values, beliefs, and behaviors, and I continuously want to give my soul to God and align it with His commandments, not become resentful to people who hurt me and the rest of the world.
I finally understood why Galatians 5:22-23 says that one of the fruit of the spirit is joy if our only jobs in life are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, which means to become Him, and love people humbly. Joy is love because no matter how difficult life is and how badly people treat us joy shows that we still have faith in God’s love and want to show it to others. James 5:9-12 explains that joy shows love because we are still patient during affliction and persecution like the prophets and Job were. They did not become hypocrites and hold grudges against others as if they never sinned; they practiced the humility and compassion of God despite the problems and hatred people bestowed on them.
Therefore, even though I was in terrible pain from the thoughtless actions of Angela and my family and friends, my soul remained untouched by sin that harmed it. I still love God so much that I want to be like Him. God counted my faith as righteousness and did not destroy my soul. It is like we learned in church on May 17th. God is always with me even though sin of my imperfection separates us. We have peace with Him and are in His care and protection because like the song It Is Well with My Soul say, “My sin, not in part but the whole,/Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.” My soul is in the perfect, loving care of God and is well!