My First Sexual Experience: Why I'm Waiting for True Love
Updated: Jan 19
I once wrote a blog about how premarital sex is not a sin if we do not idolize a person above God and sin if our partner asks us or use someone for our sexual gratification. But a recent bad date has taught me why marriage is important for sex. Sex should express love. But I never understood this concept.
I always thought that sex meant that a man loved me. Society says that sex is necessary for a romantic relationship and defines romance as sexual attraction. Especially as a graduate of the most sexually liberated university – UC Berkeley – was I taught that a man could only love me romantically if he desired me sexually.
So, when a man finally wanted me to gratify him sexually on January 10th, I thought that I had finally found love! Only I was starkly disappointed.
That Friday, a man from Germany I had talked to online for more than 20 years, James, voicechatted with me for the second time (the first time was last year). I did not equate it to a sexual act at first until the day before when James started showing signs of sexuality and became too excited to talk on the phone. He texted me a billion times worrying because his phone dropped Thursday after I had agreed to call Friday.
I felt like he was being possessive, but doubted my emotions because he had said that he only wanted to explain why he had a bad New Years. So, I called him thinking that we would talk about his New Years. Only he talked about everything that had nothing to with his New Years. That is when I hung up the phone in tears because I felt like a sex object since there was no love.
I had remembered the first time we talked and every time he wanted to talk throughout the 20 years that it was to be close to him. I once asked him if he was ever attracted to me because I used to want to marry him when we were young. He had said that he did not know because he had to hear my voice, which I did not have the technical capabilities to do until last year. The assumption was that voices are his pleasure spot. He had said that he could never be close to me or care about me because he “didn’t know me.”
So, I texted my old caregiver because she has a lot of experience with sex. She explained that sex is not necessary for romantic love. Sex is to reaffirm affection and dedication.
With this description, which I had always believed, but never had any evidence of to understand, I knew the importance having sex after marriage. This experience had showed me how a lack of love with sex objectifies people, and love is needed for sex not to hurt people. While marriage does not guarantee love and people do not always marry because they love each other, marriage makes it difficult to leave people and break promises of love that people make when they marry.
After all, love is a commitment to choose to love someone every day through the good and bad.